I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it, but I didn’t, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it’s the halves that halve you in half. I didn’t know, don’t know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me.
— “Like Crazy”
Unprepared but Ready
I have my windows wide open, letting this glorious sun and fresh warmth enter into my room. I have Taylor Swift playing and am feeling refreshed because my room is finally clean. I’ve realized I have the best friend in the whole world that helped me clean my closet that could have its own show on Hoarders. I’m feeling hopeful and am anticipating so many life changes. I am bittersweet about leaving, but knowing that it’s so close is making me appreciate all the wonderful people I have around me now. It makes pointless sleepovers, dumb texts, and bizarre conversations feel meaningful and significant. Knowing that all that I’ve ever known will soon be gone makes me take one more risk, catch one more glance of his smile or my best friend’s laugh or my mom’s “Are you kidding me right now,” face. Sing a little more ridiculously loud and off pitch with my windows down driving down the back roads I’ve always known. Feel a little more like this place, this town, isn’t horribly boring and unimportant like I’ve always complained about. That it holds pretty much all of my “first’s,” all of my memories and my stories, and no matter where I end up and try to adjust to, this place will always be my home.
Nothing in me can wait until this summer and all the adventures it will hold. I am hesitant and scared and unprepared, but ready for something new.
